wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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