"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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