That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
