My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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