Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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