There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
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