Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize