I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I just want to make out with him forever
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
