i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize