smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
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