she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
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You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
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We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize