Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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