Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
