Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
