Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
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