How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
