I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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