God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I'm getting married
To pizza
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Randomize
