u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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