I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
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