your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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