May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
But theres a keg here and me gusta
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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