Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
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