If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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