OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
