I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
