Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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