Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize