I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
