dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
