I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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