anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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