do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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