So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize