i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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