I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
