first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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