Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
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Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
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'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
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