i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
