he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Randomize
