i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
