I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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