ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
