she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
