That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
This baby is an asshole
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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