Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
