More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
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