hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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