is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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