why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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