final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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