I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
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