I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
