I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
being pregnant is like rehab
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
