Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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