Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
