you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
