I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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