who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
