you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
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She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
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I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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