I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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