He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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