If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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