so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
