I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
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