Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
