K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
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