they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
