so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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