We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
