I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
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