p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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