When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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