mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Small penises have feelings too.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
