i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
