I want to have your abortion
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
