the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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