I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
