I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
