i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Randomize
