I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
