I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Randomize
