hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
