I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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