I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Randomize
